Reading

I can't begin to tell you how many unfinished books I own. They're packed in boxes and scattered around my room, waiting to be finished someday. It's been like this for years, but I think that just might be changing. When I was in middle school, I had this incurable reading pace. I read all the time. Book after book - I just absorbed whatever literature I could get my hands on. I read everything. Really. Reader's Digest, decades-old National Geographic (I wish I had those still!), book after book from the classroom library... I even got the first volume of some encyclopedia for free. I dreamed of saving up and owning the collection. There was something about the binding - strong and proud - that gave me a sense of profound awe. I read pamphlets on colleges and sample literature my grandmother got in the mail. I'm just now realizing how bizarre of a child I really was.

When I was in 10th grade I began to work at Burger King so I could pay my private school tuition. I would walk 3 miles to and from work most days (even in the winter!), but I don't really remember it being so bad. One day this guy looked over the counter and said, "Hey! You're that kid who walks and reads!" I had developed this ability to read and pay just enough attention to avoid falling or stepping in front of traffic. I was so embarrassed he recognized me!

But then I got a girlfriend and basically was adopted into her family. They ate lavish meals and had cable television. They went to fairs and movie theaters, and within no time at all, I was reading less and less. College came and reading became required. I still managed to read a few books for pleasure, even all those years. Except for the last 2 years. I just overdid it. Too many credits, too many life problems. I stopped reading. I read enough to glean the information I needed to write papers (I'm terribly good at locating information without necessarily reading...), but it frustrated me. I felt like a piece of me was missing. I would fall asleep or get antsy every time I tried to read. But that's slowly changing. I'm falling into these worlds again and it feels wonderful. How is it that characters within a book can seem deeper and more real than people you know? If only I had relationships that could seem as real as these words...

That's all. I just wanted to express this part of myself. Maybe I can be a little more real to you now.