Objectify Me.

I've come across some interesting facts in my studies lately.  For instance, did you know that we spend more than $20 Billion on cosmetics each year in the United States alone?  Or were you aware that experts now believe that kissing was originally only between a mother and her child, and only became a symbol of "romance" much later, depending on the culture?  (Japan didn't have a notion of romantic kissing until the 19th century!)  Or have you heard that women do 2/3rds of all work hours in the world, yet earn less than 10% of the proceeds?  And I'm still shocked when I'm reminded that women only had the right to vote in 1920. 

I'm beginning to see why the early Christians had unconventional views when it came to women and men. 

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 1 Tim. 5:1-2

Our culture so frequently "objectifies" people.  (We don't see people as human beings - we treat them like objects!)  Look at the cover of some beauty magazine or how many people get murdered in the latest action flick.  Even friendships are on the decline from just a few decades ago. 

Last night I asked our Middle School students to close their eyes and think of a person they're extremely attracted to.  Then I asked them to pretend that person is their brother or sister.  You should have seen the reactions!  They squirmed and screamed and thought I had done something horrible to them. 

But this is what the scriptures tell us to do!  How much would your life change if you began to see everyone around you as your brothers or sisters?  You would certainly look at people differently.  And most definitely treat people differently. 

I've dated around and I see people get completely paranoid and hurt from this process.  The best "daters" I know are also the least attached!  I'm certain this kind of thinking is absurd to some people, but I'm sick of seeing women and men look at each other like objects and use one another for their own pleasures.  What I would do to see women and men treat each other like family! 

But we brainwash our boys and girls to look for magical romance, all while looking for someone to fill an empty void in ourselves.  It's a sad system - And I, for one, am done with it.  I'll be trying these new lenses on - seeing the women around me as sisters.  I don't want to use people - I want to know them.  Check out this excerpt from Tolstoy's "Walk in the Light While There is Light":

"The difference between marriage among us and marriage among you consists only in the fact that our law reveals to us that every lust­ful look at a woman is a sin, and so we and our women, instead of adorning ourselves to stimulate desire, try so to avoid it that the feeling of love between us as between brothers and sisters, may be stronger than the feeling of desire for a woman which you call love.”

“In this: that a man loves a woman for the enjoyment he can get by connection with her and not because she is a human being like himself. He marries her solely for his own enjoyment. Christian marriage is possible only when a man loves his fellow men, and when the object of his carnal love is first of all an object of this brotherly love. As a house can only be built rationally and durably when there is a foundation, and a picture can be painted only when something has been prepared on which to paint it, so carnal love is only le­ gitimate, reasonable, and permanent when it is based on the respect and love of one human being for another. Only on that foundation can a reasonable Christian family life be established.”
(Download this book here.)

I'm not even sure I've ever heard a teaching about this.  And it's not as if we're doing a good job of forming families or making lasting marriages.  Our culture has little value for human beings as people, but we love the chase - we love how romance makes US feel.  But if we truly loved people, we would find ourselves fulfilled by that very love!

I'm excited that there are alternatives to everything I've ever been taught about romance.